I bought this domain name a couple of years ago for a variety of reasons.

1. Because it’s cool to own your name’s .com
2. So haters can’t buy it and point it somewhere mean (yes, you’ll find I’m very paranoid)
3. For some unthought-of project or political aspiration down the road

When I did decide to run for public office, I went in a different direction that would drive action so it was “voteforkurt” which, again, is pretty cool that I was able to snag it. So, this little spot in the internet has been neglected for a while, not unlike many other things stuck in my head.

I’m starting this website to kind of be a catch-all for, well, all things me but not in the promotional sense.

I used to blog a lot way back when MySpace wasn’t invented yet (Google it, kids) and it was incredibly therapeutic for me. A group of friends from school were doing it too and it became a “thing”. As I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting recently, I questioned why I stopped writing.

When did that happen and why?

The reason is one that I’ve spoken about a lot in public in the past. I was forcibly outed as being gay on a blog when I was 14. Afterward, I retreated into myself for self-preservation and started keeping my private thoughts to myself so that no one could use them as ammunition against me. Self-preservation seems to be a common theme in my life now that I think more about it.

Since that time, I’ve only ever written when a topic really stirred me, either positively or negatively, or benefited me in some way, like writing about business since I work for myself.

But, I’ve always had the craving to share and connect with people.

I think part of it stems from my ADHD, which I was recently diagnosed with, in which I’ve read that some folks with the disorder are prone to oversharing (I’m guilty), and secondly because growing up as a gay kid in a rural southern town of 4200 people made me feel very lonely.

When I was able to interact with people from all over the world when my family got dial-up in 1999 suddenly meant endless possibilities to connect.

I still struggle with feelings of loneliness in my head. I can be in a room full of people, at a party, even with my husband, but emotionally feel quite lonely with my thoughts and wanting to express myself without knowing the most appropriate way of doing so, or being judged.

That’s why I’m here now. Writing what is likely already too long of a blog post in which some might fund mundane, but already my juices are flowing and the words are coming out of me more easily than I could have thought when I made my mind up to do this just 24 hours ago.

I recently wrote the most vulnerable piece of my life, expressing trauma I had endured, suicidal thoughts I suffer, and my recent ADHD diagnosis for thousands of strangers to read. I was afraid of doing it at first but, once I sat down and actually did the thing it felt so right because it no longer weighed on my heart.

Once it was out in the world and had a life of its own, fluttering across the social media stratosphere, I received so many messages from people that all added up to “I see you, and I have experienced pain too”. I felt that connection that I have always craved through the time people took to write to someone they didn’t know.

The response has been deeply moving, and I wondered – should I keep writing?

After talking about it in session with my therapist (who is ah-mah-zing) I’ve decided that I will.

I’m going to write about anything and everything that is on my mind, and in a way that is easy for me and doesn’t feel like work. When it becomes a “job” it will suddenly become useless as a way for me to heal.

I’ll probably talk about my mental health a lot, my past, my worries about the future, processing thoughts and feelings, and any other random stuff that feels good. So, don’t expect categories because that’s not happening, or strict deadlines or any of that garbage. We have enough of that to deal with in the real world.

This is me putting a pause on the noise in the world and in my mind to create a space in which I can be my authentic self, honestly, vulnerably, and personally. Because I know that every time I do, I connect with more folks who are dealing with a lot of the same stuff, and we will grow and heal together through our lived experiences.

Don’t expect doom or gloom from this space just because I’m going through something now.

What a lot of people don’t know about me is that I often do a lot of introspection so, I might talk about topics I’m hyper-focused on at that moment (like the Royal Family), or periods of joy I want to share (I just bought more books on Amazon that I don’t need), or a quick nudge from me to you to say that I love you and everything is going to be okay (because it will).

We all need to hear that sometimes, even if we may not know one another. Someone I met this year taught me how to love more openly, and it has changed my heart for the better. Before I always thought of love as something that had to be rationed or you’d run out. But, giving it out more freely has changed my life.

So, this blog will basically serve as my expression of love for myself, my soul, of grace when I need it, and hopefully all those things for you all too.

Now that you’ve made it this far, I welcome you to this little corner of the internet that is comprised of my thoughts.

I hope that this place will serve as one of respite, comfort, community, and empathy for as long as I feel like writing. Perhaps I’ll have others write too in case you get tired of my babbling.

But by sharing my own experiences, I can only hope that it helps someone else.

Thanks for sharing this moment with me so that we both feel a little less alone.

Love you,
Kurt